No one ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and its not the same person – Heraclitus
How do we change?
Change is not easy; it does not have to be difficult either. We have a bunch of ideas ( mostly wrong or wishful) about how change occurs. When change does not occur like the way we planned for it, sometimes we lose hope. Sometimes we grumble, make false predictions about the future ( “I can never change”) or develop a “sky is falling” type of panic-button-pushing frenzy. Most of these are due to the false beliefs that we carry around.
False belief 1. Change is a straight road.
Truth: Change is not straight. Change is not easy but it is not too tough too. Change is as easy as our rebound skills or driving skills. If we are comfortable driving on a winding road and not just straight highways, if we can survive driving in stop-and-go traffic that is exactly what we would need for making a change. Be ready for some hair-pin bends and some red lights here and there.
False belief 2. Change is black or white. Either I have the problem or I don’t; either I have changed and have no recurrences or I have not changed at all.
Truth: Change, as life itself, is not an all or none game. There may be recurrences and that do not mean you have not improved. Most of the time the process of change is a mix of black and white into a murky grey. There may be small accidents in your journey. That will not mean that you have not traveled a lot already. As long as your direction is good and you feel you have the right to reach your destination accidents are just delays in your journey; not a cancellation.
False belief 3. Change should be easy and happen in one go.
Truth: Change is a process and in general you have to work at it. There is a lot of help to do that and hypnosis is one such. But still change is a process and one goes through it. Things might move slowly at first when you are getting your bearings in the change business but hey you become better at it as you go along and then you travel fast like nobody’s business.
False belief 4. I do not have to participate in my change. Hypnosis ( medicines, healing, therapy, magic wand) will work on me without my doing anything about it and change happens like magic.
Truth: All of these things can help in your achieving the change you want. But you take ownership of the change. You make it happen and all of the medical, magical and motivational help you get is just that – help. But you are the one achieving the change. If this is not understood properly there is no change really and no real benefit from the change. You must feel empowered MAKING THIS CHANGE HAPPEN.
False belief 5. I am not making progress like that other guy and so I am not good at this
Truth: You are your own yardstick. You travel at your own speed. This is not a race between you and the rest of the world. This is a journey you want to go on for your own betterment and you set the rules and the speed. If you are even 5% better off than when you started you are doing things right. In NLP ( Neuro linguistic programming) there is a saying : there is no failure, only feedback. So you make whatever adjustments in whatever you are doing and get on with that just measuring your position to wherever you started off from.